Masters of the universe. A Rashomon-like tale

A Godel-Escher-Bach inspired conversation between the author, Alexander the great & a monkey

[Vichar meets his old friend — Alexander the Great after many years. As they are chatting, Monkey, an acquaintance of Vichar who is passing by, joins the group.]

Alexander: Hello my dear friend! It has been way too long! It’s so good to see you again after so many years!

Vichar: Wow! Alexander! It’s been a long time indeed! Didn’t realize you were back in town as well. We share so many good memories!

Alexander: Indeed! So tell me Vichar — you had left our army to build a great empire for yourself in the far East. I’m sure you will have some great stories to tell. You do know how I love a tale of adventure & excitement

Vichar: Haha I indeed know what excites you my friend, but unfortunately my stories are not the type you’re expecting.

Alexander: What do you mean? Surely you still have the zest for life. I still see the twinkle in your eyes!

Vichar: I do indeed have the same zest for life, but it is directed towards other pursuits now. I suspect there’s more to life than empire building — I do not care for it much anymore.

Alexander: Oh come now my old friend. Certainly, you don’t mean those words — what greater joy and accomplishment is possible than creating an empire and leaving behind an unassailable legacy! You are still a young man, this talk reeks of nonsensical failure!

Vichar: Maybe it does, but maybe not

Alexander: Come off it now Vichar. The man I once knew would agree that settling for anything else less than an empire is the talk of a broken man. Of someone who has tried and failed. That is what men do — not kings. Kings persevere & a true emperor is never satisfied — he builds things & sets the ball rolling for other, lesser men. Is that not the highest ideal a man can aspire to be!

Vichar: I am not so sure anymore. But, look who comes here now — it is my old friend monkey, perhaps you’ve met him.

[Monkey enters]

Monkey: Wow! If it isn’t my old friend Vichar!

Vichar: Hello monkey, how have you been?! Have you met my old friend Alexander?

Monkey: A pleasure to meet you sire.

Alexander: And it would have been great joy to meet you too monkey, but you’ve caught me at a vexing moment. My dear friend Vichar is no more — instead his body seems to be taken over by a man content with mediocrity. And I fear this is a case of sour grapes. Do not get me wrong — it is only natural to fail, and I myself have failed numerous times. But noble creatures must rise up & not take defeat for an answer. Nay! You seem to be a worthy monkey — share with us your thoughts!

Monkey: You have taken the words out of my mouth Alexander. I too have failed numerous times and have never let defeat hold me back. It may sound unbelievable, but you are looking at the most glorious monkey to have ever been born!

Alexander: Great man…or rather great monkey! In this case, I implore you to help convince my old friend to snap back to reality. He is still young & can make a go of life. Otherwise he will be wasting his life without reaching his full potential.

Monkey: I will happily oblige! Vichar — listen to me now, I’ve told you this before and I’ll say it again — you are indeed much too young to have given up on the pursuit of collecting bananas. It would be a shame to see you throw your life away.

Vichar: …

Alexander: Hold on for a second monkey, I thought we were talking about empires — what is this talk of bananas? I do not care for them.

Monkey: Do not care for bananas? Certainly, you don’t mean those words — this talk reeks of nonsense. I cannot imagine a creature created by God who will not care about bananas.

Alexander: Verily it is true monkey. I do not care much for bananas.

Monkey: I thought you were different from the others, a go-getter who understands what life is about — then why must you speak like this. But wait a second, now that I take a step back & look at you, it is all starting to make sense.

Alexander: Good! So you can understand how a man such as myself might have interests other than bananas.

Monkey: I can certainly understand that nature has conspired to ill-equip you for banana plucking. It is very unfortunate indeed. And in this you have my sympathies — but know this Alexander — your lack of skill can still be overcome if you try hard enough!

Alexander: I do not think you understand me.

Monkey: Of course I do Alexander! I can understand the pain of failure you must experience when you go banana hunting. But know this & take heart my dear fellow — I know of two monkeys with even shorter arms who have built a massive banana depot.

Alexander: I told you I do not care for bananas! You may be better at gathering bananas & have a greater desire for it than me; but surely you must see that there is more to life than bananas!

Monkey: Oh come off it now my friend! All this talk doesn’t befit you. You sound like a weakling — someone who has tried and failed and given up. I pray to you — do not become a victim of sour grapes, resilience in the face of defeat will make you a noble creature, will it not?

[The conversation continued in this manner without reaching a natural conclusion.

Listening to their conversation, Vichar smiled — he had always been fascinated by the things that people around him found ‘worthwhile’]